Therapy for developmental trauma that meets the needs you grew up without
Developmental trauma is less about one terrible event and more about what was missing, or unpredictable, while you were forming. Therapy for developmental trauma offers a steady relationship in which those early patterns can finally be understood and gently reshaped.
Many people who come to me for developmental trauma say some version of the same thing: nothing that bad happened, yet something has always felt off. Perhaps you learned early to read the room, to need very little, or to stay one step ahead of someone else's moods. I offer unhurried, trauma-informed care in New York that brings talk therapy, somatic work and, where helpful, psychiatric support into one relationship.
“The ways you learned to survive as a small person were intelligent. They simply were not designed for the life you are trying to live now.”
Our work is not about blaming the younger you or the people who raised you. It is about giving your adult self more room to choose.
What is developmental trauma?
Developmental trauma describes the impact of early environments in which a child's core needs for safety, attunement and comfort were not reliably met.
Children depend on the adults around them to help regulate their feelings. When a caregiver is consistently present, warm and responsive, a child gradually learns that distress can be soothed and that relationships are a source of safety. When care is absent, inconsistent, frightening or emotionally unavailable, the developing nervous system adapts in other ways. These adaptations are not character defects. They are the body and mind doing exactly what they needed to do to stay connected to the people a child depended upon.
Developmental trauma often has no single headline event. It can grow out of a parent who was depressed or overwhelmed, a household where love came with conditions, frequent moves, a caregiver who was physically there but emotionally far away, or a family that could not tolerate certain feelings. Because nothing dramatic happened, many adults dismiss their own experience, which can make the patterns harder to name and easier to blame themselves for.
In adulthood the effects tend to show up in relationships, in self-worth and in the body. You might find closeness both longed for and alarming, feel responsible for everyone's comfort, or carry a background hum of vigilance that never fully switches off. Therapy for developmental trauma looks at these patterns with curiosity rather than criticism, and treats them as the place where healing can begin.
How developmental trauma differs from a single traumatic event
A car accident or an assault usually has a before and an after. Developmental trauma rarely does. It is woven into how you came to understand yourself, other people and the world, so it can feel less like a wound and more like simply who you are. That is why the work is relational and gradual: we are not only processing memories, we are offering your nervous system a new experience of being with another person, repeated over time until it starts to feel believable.
Attachment, the nervous system and the body
Early relationships shape how the body handles stress. Some people grow up primed for alarm and find it hard to settle; others learn to shut down, go numb or float away from feeling. Somatic awareness helps us notice these states as they happen in session, so that you can begin to recognise them outside the room too.
Over time, many people discover they can stay present with a feeling a little longer, ask for something without bracing, or rest without guilt. These shifts are small and real, and they accumulate.
Patterns that often trace back to early attachment
Developmental trauma rarely announces itself directly. More often it appears as a cluster of habits and feelings that seem to have always been there. If several of these feel familiar, it may be worth exploring where they began, without assuming that anyone has to be blamed.
- Hyper-independence and difficulty asking for help
- Chronic people-pleasing or over-functioning
- Fear of abandonment in close relationships
- Feeling unlovable or fundamentally different
- Struggling to know what you want
- Numbness or disconnection from your body
- Constant scanning for others' moods
- Shame that arrives out of nowhere
- Exhaustion after social contact
A relational, body-aware approach to early wounds
Because developmental trauma took shape in relationship, it usually softens in relationship too. I combine several ways of working, chosen with you, and we move at a pace that keeps you within a range you can manage.
Relational psychotherapy
The therapy relationship itself becomes a place to notice old expectations. When you anticipate disappointment, criticism or withdrawal from me, we can explore that openly, and you get the experience of a relationship that stays steady through honesty and difference.
Somatic exploration
We pay attention to breath, posture, tension and the subtle signals your body sends. This helps you recognise when you are bracing, collapsing or leaving yourself, and builds the capacity to stay with sensation without being overwhelmed by it.
Psychoanalytic curiosity
Psychoanalytic inquiry helps us trace how early experiences shape present choices, dreams and relationships. We look at the stories you tell about yourself and gently question the ones that were handed to you before you could choose them.
Pacing and consent
You decide what we explore and when. Nothing is forced open. We build stability first, and if something feels like too much, we slow down or return to grounding. Learning that you can say no here is part of the healing.
Psychiatric support when useful
As a psychiatric nurse practitioner I can assess for anxiety, depression or other conditions that often travel with developmental trauma, and discuss whether medication or supplements might ease the load. Any change is gradual, collaborative and carefully monitored.
Everyday regulation
We look at sleep, nourishment, movement and rest, and build small daily practices that help your nervous system settle. These are not homework tasks but experiments in caring for yourself in ways you may never have been shown.
From surviving to choosing
Developmental trauma work is less about erasing the past and more about widening the space between an old reflex and your response.
Old patterns
- Saying yes before checking in with yourself
- Reading closeness as danger
- Hiding needs to avoid being a burden
- Treating rest as something to earn
- Assuming you are the problem
What becomes possible
- Noticing your own preferences
- Tolerating intimacy a little more easily
- Asking for support without collapsing in shame
- Resting with less guilt
- Seeing your adaptations with compassion
Starting therapy for developmental trauma
Each step is designed to give you a sense of choice from the very beginning.
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1
Free consultation 15 minutes
A short, confidential conversation to hear what is bringing you here and what you hope might shift. You do not need to explain your history in detail. We simply get a feel for each other and whether this relational way of working suits you.
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2
Unhurried assessment
In our first longer session we explore your current life, your relationships, your health and, at a pace you set, the environment you grew up in. I listen for patterns, strengths and the ways you have learned to cope, and I share my understanding with you openly.
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3
Building safety
Early sessions focus on stability: noticing your body's signals, finding grounding practices that actually work for you, and getting to know the protective parts of you that have worked so hard. This foundation makes deeper exploration feel safer later.
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4
Deepening and repair
Over time we explore the attachment patterns that shape your relationships and sense of self. As your capacity grows, we can look at painful material more directly, always with the option to pause. The aim is lasting change in how you relate to yourself and others.
Francesca Rome-Marie, PMHNP-BC
I bring together psychiatry, psychotherapy, somatic work and whole-body health, informed by years in primary care and further study in gender theory, feminist thought, culture and visual art.
I keep a deliberately small caseload so that every client receives consistent, unhurried and genuinely attentive care, held within one relationship rather than split across several providers.
Clear, upfront rates
I don't accept insurance. Modern Holistic Psychiatry is an out-of-network provider, so sessions are paid for directly. Depending on your plan, you may be able to claim reimbursement through your out-of-network benefits.
Find out how much your insurance may coverNeed urgent support? If you're in crisis or thinking about harming yourself, call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) or call 911.
Therapy for Developmental Trauma FAQs
Can I have developmental trauma if nothing obviously bad happened in my childhood?
Yes. Developmental trauma is often about absence rather than incident: emotional unavailability, inconsistency, or a household where your feelings could not be held. Many people who seek therapy for developmental trauma describe a loving but distracted family, or a parent who was coping with their own struggles. The question is not whether something dramatic occurred, but whether you consistently received the attunement and safety a growing child needs.
Is developmental trauma the same as complex PTSD?
They overlap but are not identical. Complex PTSD is a diagnosis describing particular symptoms that can follow prolonged trauma, while developmental trauma refers to the formative context in which difficulties began. Some people with developmental trauma meet criteria for a diagnosis and some do not. In our work I will assess carefully and share my thinking with you, but a label is never a prerequisite for getting support.
How long does therapy for developmental trauma usually take?
Because these patterns developed over years, they tend to shift over months rather than weeks. Some people notice relief early, especially once they feel understood. Deeper change in attachment, self-worth and body regulation usually unfolds more gradually. I prefer to review progress with you regularly so that the length of our work reflects your goals, not a fixed formula.
Will I have to talk about my parents all the time?
Not unless you want to. Your early relationships matter, but so does your life now. Often we start with present-day situations, such as a conflict at work or a pattern in dating, and trace the threads back only as far as is useful. Many people are relieved to find that understanding their history does not require condemning or defending the people who raised them.
How does somatic work help with developmental trauma?
Early experiences are stored not only as memories but as habits of the nervous system: how quickly you tense, how easily you settle, whether you can feel your body at all. Somatic work gently brings attention to these states so that you can begin to influence them. It is always invitational, and you remain in charge of what you notice and share.
Can medication help with developmental trauma in New York?
Medication does not resolve attachment wounds, but it can help with symptoms that often accompany them, such as persistent anxiety, low mood or sleep problems. As a board-certified psychiatric nurse practitioner I can assess whether medication might be helpful, discuss supplements that may support you, and manage any prescription carefully alongside therapy, so everything sits within one coordinated relationship.
I find it hard to trust therapists. Is that a problem?
It makes complete sense, and it is welcome here. Difficulty trusting is often one of the very patterns developmental trauma creates. We can talk openly about your hesitation, go at a slower pace, and let trust develop through experience rather than expectation. You never need to pretend to feel safer than you do.
Begin with a conversation, at your pace
If these patterns feel familiar, a free 15-minute consultation is a gentle place to start. We can talk about what you are noticing and whether working together feels right.